May 30th 2015

It's May 30th 2015, and Well its feels like Nigeria just took a time machine back to the hard times. I attend university of Benin, and sometimes even if there is no light, you are sure that the Generator will be on by 7pm till 2am and then from 5am-7am. But that has changed suddenly the light goes off and it stays that way until Bedc decides to supply us with light which could be in a few hours, days, even weeks . I went to Guaranty trust bank to charge my phone because the light when off by 8:10pm and the Generator wasn't on, I heard from someone that the technicians said there was no diesel for the generator. Going to GTB to charge my phone, I was shocked at the crowd, people were literally connecting extension to extension, plugs and chargers every where people plugging their lamps, phones laptops, tablets and power banks. It was like a market place

 In my hostel water barely flows, even if it flows it's for a few minutes and most of the time, you have to go down stairs, I am literally starting to have muscles from all the buckets I carry upstairs. The toilet is a bloody mess, because not everyone is disciplined enough to go all the way down stairs to fetch water to flush it after you have used it and the cleaner can't  clean it efficiently because there is no water and I can imagine how many trips the poor woman will have to makes to effectively clean the toilet.
We even have it good, one of my friend complained to me that he barely has water in his apartment, once he had to come to class without taking his bathe because there was no water.
I decided to go home and I couldn't  see any bus, good thing  I had a comrade bus card, entry into the bus wasn't funny, someone pushed me and I stepped on someone's shoe, one woman almost dropped her carton of fish on my head.

Buhari got sworn in yesterday, I hope things get better, because the way we are living right now is Archaic, there should be light, water and transportation, Well what I can say is Buhari has his work cut out for him, let's see if the CHANGE he promised will play out. I remember a friend of mine saying in his manifesto, We are Nigerians, we don't eat sweet words, We eat yam, rice, millet and garri. In other words we don't want promises, we need actions. 

Bye and see you next post.

TREASURE

It's 7:53 on a Saturday and it's raining cats and dogs. But this is a good time to share a story.

Kate and Chidi had been dating for over a year, and for that year, Kate had been struggling with Chidi.He wasn't really attentive to her, he barely let her speak her mind, always shut her up and when he starts to raise his voice, Kate will be silent because she is scared Chidi will hit her. He was quick to insult her over her mistakes and too often she would lock herself in the toilet and cry.
She did everything to please him, She would cook for him but he won't eat, She never argued with him when he spoke so he won't raise his voice, but it made no difference. What does he want, She couldn't make him happy, she didn't feel appreciated , She wasn't happy, She loved Him, but their love was so dry and stale, there was no spark. They barely did stuff together, they hardly went out, they couldn't have a discussion without it leading to a quarrel. She read blogs, books and asked her friends and family advice on her relationship but all the information she got from the books or her Friends didn't help her situation, the relationship was just cumbersome.

Kate was getting fed up, She wanted to end it but she couldn't imagine a life with Chidi, He may be a pain but she knew he loved her and she loved him too, But still she couldn't imagine marrying him and spending her life with him with his attitude .

One day, She goes to a supermarket to buy some cosmetics and She bumps into Tobe, her long time best friend from secondary school, Tobe a free spirited and playful guy hugged Kate and was genuinely happy to see her again , they exchanged numbers and parted ways.
That night Tobe called her and they talked into the night, talking about Secondary school, University and almost everything they had missed from each other's life .
He wanted to see her again and he invited her for a movie, and she agreed.
Chidi started to notice his girlfriend was no longer chasing him, In fact she hardly called again, She was always smiling at her phone and When they were together, She barely gave him any attention. Chidi started to get worried, He started chasing Kate, but She just treated him how he used to treat her and he started to feel how she felt. The roles were reversed and Chidi knew how Kate always felt.
She didn't do it intentionally, She was just having so much fun with Tobe, He was so fun to be with, they did a lot of things together,they had a lot of things to talk about,  they went to the movies, went dancing, He cooked with her and he was always there, unlike Chidi, Tobe was dependable, He was always there for her.
The gap between Chidi and Kate lengthened, and the gap between Tobe and Kate shortened.


Chidi couldn't contain it anymore, He accused Kate of cheating on him with Tobe, Kate was horrified, She tried to talk to Chidi but as usual Chidi wasn't one to listen, He broke up with Kate and took off.

Two years later, Chidi met a friend at a bar, Oma, Oma told him Kate was getting married the next Saturday, Chidi wondered to whom, Maybe it was to that Tobe, he thought, He decided to go for the wedding anyway to see who his ex had ended up with.
That Saturday, He drove to the Catholic Church in which Kate was to be married took a seat in the middle aisle and watched the ceremony. The man Kate was getting married to wasn't Tobe, No it was definitely not Tobe. Tobe was the Priest officiating the wedding, his eyes were shinning as he joined Kate and her Husband.
Chidi was shocked, He had no idea Tobe was a Reverend Father, maybe this was what Kate was trying to tell him, She wasn't dating Tobe at all, they were just hanging out and He broke up with the best thing that had ever happened to his life.
Chidi left the marriage ceremony with a heavy weight on his chest . Truth be told all the relationships he had been in Since he broke up with Kate had been a wreck, He was forty and was still a Bachelor, He entered his car and zoomed off.

Always treasure what you have you would never know when you would lose it.

MENTAL WARD

On this fateful day, Wisdom, Jennifer and I armed with their bibles and courage, we went to the mental ward for our Legionary work. I wasn't a legionary but I loved to visit the sick,I  didn't know Wisdom or Jennifer, in fact three us were strangers to each other.
I had gone to the mental ward before, so I knew the drill, I told Wisdom and Jennifer, how to talk to the people there, I warned them not to treat them like they were mad and I told them not to argue with them, and anything they said, you just smile and nod.
I remembered the last time I was there, I was with my bestie and a Eucharistic Minister, a lady there kept talking anyhow, saying Catholics are devils and they pretend to do good. The Eucharistic Minster told us to ignore her.
When Wisdom, Jennifer and I got to the ward, we were jittery, But I hide my jitters, but Wisdom and Jennifer showed theirs, in fact Wisdom said he was getting ready to dodge a punch. When we got to the front pouch of the ward a security man said be careful their are mad people here, that scared us but It was for God so we prayed and we knocked on the gate , a man with fully relaxed hair came to open the gate, he looked mad, can't blame him, you tend to pick some characters from where you always are. The guard by the door asked us what we wanted and we told them we came to see the sick, they told us to be careful,  we told we would and walked it. We decided to go to the women's ward first, we felt they would be more gentle and calm.
The first bed we went to immediately we mentioned we were catholics, she told us to get away from her sight, that she doesn't listen to us, that she goes to a believers church, initially Wisdom and Jennifer tried to tell the woman that we are Christians and we just wanted to visit her, but she still drove us away. We went to another bed, the woman there was calm and quiet, I suspected she suffers from Depression, and we talked to her briefly because she gave us hints that she didn't want any company.
We went from bed to bed and there was this young girl we saw, I can't remember her name, She told us she was from Gwoza and she was fourteen years old, I am not really the kind off person that watches the news or read Newspapers, so I kept asking her where is Gwoza, she just looked at me and said Gwoza. Later I saw Gwoza on the news and the town was on fire , I wished I would have been able to hear her story, but a lady started to shout at us to leave the ward, her voice was so brutal, we were scared she would go ballistic on us, so we left and went to the male side.

Funny enough the male side was way better than the female's side, we talked to everyone, the person that caught my attention was Abduli, when we came to his bed, he welcomed us and started to talk. Abduli is crazy smart, He would make a fantastic lawyer, He is well read and informed, he kept giving us Bible verses and telling us things we have never heard before.
This is his story.

He told us that the reason why he was here was because of drug abuse, he said not hard drugs as in cocaine, he meant weed I.e Igbo, wewe, cannabis. He said it affected him badly, he started to lose his memory, he became violent and he spent money endlessly on weed, he told us, this was his sixth time here, he talked for a long time, my feet started to hurt but I didn't care, I was captured by Abduli's intelligence, he told us, he wanted to finish the bible before he left the ward and we encouraged him.
He told us he was getting better and he would quit smoking and I was praying in my heart that he would stop smoking.
Then he told us his need small money for us, that he was hungry and had no food ,In that request I saw the junky in him, We told him we didn't have any money on us, that when we go on missions we don't carry money, I suggested that I would go outside and buy him something, but he said no that it would take too long and he wanted the money now. He switched from an eloquent orator to a desperate beggar, I looked at him and I wasn't happy, I see some friends of mine smoking weed saying it Medicinal and does no harm blah blah, different rubbish statement,
Don't be deceived, there are a lot of young people in the mental ward and weed brought them there. Madness cannot be cure it can only be managed.

See you next post guys and If you want to share your stories  , send them to Ifuekojemmy@yahoo.com

EMBARRASSING MOMENTS

Embarrassing Moments
Almost 90% of the human race have experienced at least one very embarrassing moment, including me the writer, I have been embarrassed so many times, but it's no biggie, People may laugh or look at you in a weird way but they would get tired of laughing and life goes on.
Well these are some real life embarrassing stories, Enjoy them
STORY 1
It was graduation day in a prestigious all girls boarding school and the graduates were already in the chapel for the opening ceremony and when that ended, the graduates started to file out of the chapel, most of them were dressed glamorously , some manageable . The issue was that a lot of them wore shoes too high, In fact  some of the graduates could barely walk.
A girl called Mercy despite the fact she couldn't walk with heels kept laughing at her fellow classmates struggling with their shoes, She told them to watch her move with her heels, they actually stopped to look, Mercy started to walk like a model on the runway and then, she fell, she fell so hard her shoes went off her feet, When she stood up she was bare-footed, with her red stilettos in disarray,she turned round searching for who to blame, instead she saw a lot of strange faces pointing and laughing at her , including her classmates, they kept mimicking her saying " Watch me move with this heels"....

STORY 2
Ella went to the market on a cloudy Saturday, she wanted to buy food stuff for the house. In the market there was a madman, who always sat in the entrance of the market and was sometimes seen walking round naked. When Ella got to the market the mad man saw her and started to move quickly towards her saying, " My Wife, My Wife " She immediately took to her heels, with the naked mad man in hot pursuit , She ran into a nearby church and hid under the pews for a very long time, when she came out the mad man wasn't in sight.She quickly did a little shopping because she was badly shaking and a lot of people were pointing and laughing at her, she just wanted to get home, when she got to the park, she decided to get on a bike, because she would get home faster with a bike, As she got the the bike park, the mad man came out of nowhere and started running after her again, she ran to the nearest bike, hopped on and told the bikeman to drive off quickly, the man obliged and started driving off, the mad man ran after the bike and with all his strength spat at Ella, she was wearing a tank top and the spit landed right on her bare skin.
When Ella got home, she spent nearly two hours washing herself, in fact she felt like ripping off her skin, she had never been to embarrassed in her life.
STORY 3
Chioma had always had a thing for cute, handsome, tall or Macho guys, as long as you have one or more of the above qualities, Chioma would stare and day dream about the guy.
One day in church, While the offering was going on, Chioma's caught a glance of a drop dead gorgeous guy, she couldn't stop staring, she kept walking and staring, The sound of the offering bowl falling and her falling on top of it brought her to her sense, she had to pretend she was actually fainting to cover up ( LOL). Everyone in church including the cute guy she was staring at were looking at her, Chioma wished the ground would just open up and swallow her.

STORY 4
Mr Kola was a Literature teacher and He taught at an all girls boarding school and he was very good, in fact his students made good grades. But the thing about Mr Kola was that he usually gets lost staring at his students bosom, for some reason he just stared at his student's chest instead of their faces.
One day, a girl called Bami came to him and with about three of her classmates, they wanted him to explain something in their notes, Mr Kola started well, but kept staring at Bami's bust and Bami is a busty girl.
Bami was a nonsense person, when Mr Kola wouldn't stop staring, she held his head and turned it back to the book. Her three friends burst into laughter, Mr Kola couldn't say a word, even his follow Co-workers who noticed his staring laughed at him and said it served him right, Mr Bami had never been so embarrassed in his life.

STORY 5
Mr Osi always claimed he was a tough man and no one could dare him. In the face-me-I-face-you building were he lived, he was fond of threatening his co-occupants and beating up their children,
Mr Osi was married with two children and to a nice woman, who always had to apologise on behalf of her husband to the neighbours.
One day, armed robbers came to the house ordered everyone to the passage and told them to lie down, Mr Osi was ushered out too, A gun was pointed to him and Mr Osi wet himself, the armed Robbers watched in shock as a full grown man wet himself, the gun wasn't even real, they took their loot and left.
Mr Osi couldn't  show his face to his neighbours again, they kept making pee noises when he passed.

STORY 6
Labake was going home from school and at the last bus stop, as she struggled to come down, the seat caught her Jeggings trouser and as she struggled with the iron seat to free her Jeggings, she heard a rip and a loud laugh from someone in the back seat, She came down from the bus and assessed the damage, It was really bad, the iron seat ripped a long zigzag hole in her Jeggings and Labake notorious for not wearing underwear had the whole bus see her butt.

Have you had a funny/embarassing moment and you want to share it on I TELL STORIES, please send your stories to Ifuekojemmy@yahoo.com.
See you next post.

BUFFON

I remember when I was little, sometimes when we were watching television after school, maybe enjoying Rugrats or Tweenies on K-time, the light would just suddenly go off not because there is power failure or something but because the staffs of PHCN have entered into our house unannounced and tampered with the fuse box claiming we haven't paid our bills again,  We weren't poor or rich, but we were okay, we were well cared for and My Dad always paid his bills, he is not one to owe anyone. The funny thing is when you check how much is owed it's like 100 naira or 150 naira, as in like seriously, you tampered with someone's fuse box because he haven't paid 100 naira, it was embarrassing and just annoying.
I grew up hating the staffs of PHCN, the worse experience I had with them was when one of them insulted my mum, I was in primary school then.
PHCN staff don't know what they call them , but I remember this idiot well, He was very tall, dark and balding. He wore a black shirt and black jeans, with black shades, He looked like an undertaker to me. We had already paid our bills, but the PHCN staff claimed they were here to cut the wire supplying the entire area, due to some reasons blah blah blah,
My mum tried to talk to the man, but the arrogant, pompous, sad excuse for a thug, opened that filthy, smelling pothole he called a mouth to say
" Woman, don't talk to me, I have two wives and the second one is older than you " The people around laughed instead of telling him what he said was wrong. My mum walked away, She went to the backyard and started washing clothes, I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave her alone, I was really hurt, I wished I could break the buffon's head, I went to the front of the house, where the overgrown buffon was busy cutting the light , I hurled insults at him and it wasn't as painful as I wanted it to be. I hurled more and he threatened to come down from the pole and beat me up and I ran into the house.
That night, me and my siblings planned what we would do to the buffon If he entered our house again to cut the light, We planned we would dress up like masquerades call ourselves " Awilo sharp sharp ", we planned we would pour hot water on them and run away, We made a lot of plans and even more plans. Today, I laugh at those plans, plans we would never have carried out because, first of all we were little kids, I was Nine, my Sister was seven and my Brother was five, We were allowed to dream.
We never saw the buffon again, Now, I hope where ever he is, he is getting whatever he deserves.

DAYO AND SIMI part 3

When Dayo and Simi met again, they were in his house. They were just talking, laughing and enjoying each others company, then Simi asked Dayo,
" Why weren't you excited when I told you I would be your girlfriend, do you have another girlfriend now?, Don't you want me anymore? "
" Simi of course, I want you to be my girlfriend, I love you, But do you love me too or you are just dating me because I asked you? "
Simi kept quiet, She liked Dayo, she didn't know If she loved him, he was nice and all but, did she really know what it felt like to love someone? Love was such a strong word
" I don't know, I really like you, I have never been in love, I don't know the feeling "
" It's owk love, I appreciate your honesty , don't force it Simi, let it come naturally, just know I love you"
He playfully touched her jaw and they continued talking.
Months passed and Dayo got more withdrawn and he was occasionally moody, It felt like he didn't enjoy her company anymore, he always looked worried, On the other hand,  Simi got more attached to him, It just wasn't fair at all,She tried to tell him how she felt but he waved it aside. In fact one day out of the blue he told her
" Don't get too attached to me "
" Why would you say that, am already attached to you "
"Try to detach yourself, It would be better , Don't want you to get hurt"
" What's wrong with you " Simi cried out " You begged me to give you a chance, I did and now am in love with you, you want me to just pretend I don't "
Very shocked Dayo looked at Simi and said
" You love me, since when "
" I dunno it just came and I started feeling it "
Dayo looked away and just stared at the wall for a few seconds, then he held his face, Simi realised he was crying,
" What's wrong why are you crying "
" Simi am going away, I am not here to stay"
Simi was shocked, she couldn't imagine not seeing Dayo again,
"Its alright, we have phones and the Internet, we will keep in touch, please stop crying, You would make me cry too" She started to sob too and Dayo took her in his arm and just held her patting her head and soothing her.
When they had calmed down, Dayo held Simi's face looked into her eyes, leaned in and kiss her.
The kiss awoke sensations Simi never knew existed and She kissed him back, there was this feeling in the kiss, It felt like she was floating, her heart was beating so fast, his heart was beating fast too.
They kissed for about a minute and stopped . She went home twenty minutes later reminiscing , that was her first kiss and it was amazing, she wanted to do it again, she couldn't wait to do it again.
That night Dayo called her, they talked about the kiss for almost an hour before they decided to change the subject.
" what's your favourite sport " Asked Simi
" Football, I want to die playing soccer"
Simi laughed, she imagined an eighty something year old Dayo playing soccer having a heart attack and dying with a smile on his face.
" I am a proud "gunners" fan, as in Arsenal or no other, if I ever have a twin I bet he would be a gunners fan too, that club is so cool"
" Why do you love football so much, it's boring to me , plus Chelsea wins more matches than Arsenal "
" I love it so much because it is the only thing am good at , am not really smart or talented, but when I play football, I feel smart and talented, I would love to be a footballer if it were possible"
"Dayo don't talk like that, you are smart and of course, You are tall, good looking and you have a beautiful smile, it's possible for you to be a footballer,You can play football nah "
Dayo laughed " It's not possible, will you come and watch me play tomorrow , the match is by 4pm at that football field we pass when we stroll, I want you to be there"
" Sure, I want to see if you really have those skills you are claiming, Let's see if you are really a footballer"
" I am so happy you will be there, I will play wella when you are around  Simi I want you to place this in your heart "
" Place what in my heart? "
" I love you Simi, place it in your heart never forget "
" Okay, no problem, You said you were leaving when are you going again"
Dayo became quiet
"Sooner than you think Simi"
"What? "
" Talk to you later, My mum wants to talk to me , bye Love you "
" I love you too"
The next day, Dayo and Simi were at the field holding hands, the match was about to start
" Simi, pray I do well this may be my last match"
" Dayo stop this nonsense talk, Just go there and have fun "
" I love you Simi, never forget that"
Then the whistle went off and Dayo ran into the field .To Simi's surprise Dayo was really good,NO, Dayo was amazing he moved fast and easily like he was walking on thin air, twenty minutes into the match and he scored a goal, Simi was so proud of him , the match continued and Dayo scored two more goals. As time went by  Simi observed that something was wrong with Dayo , He got slower and slower and he looked like he was about to faint forty minutes into the match the coach wanted to substitute him but he refused claiming he was just dehydrated, He was given some water and glucose and he announced he was fine. Simi was worried but Dayo's smiling face across the field reassured her He was okay.
Eighty minutes into the match, Dayo was sent to the bench, he wasn't looking alright at all,Instead of going to bench he went to sit with Simi, He looked drained and he was breathing fast, Simi made him sit and got him water and more glucose.
All of a sudden Dayo started wheezing and he fell to the ground, immediately Simi ran to his side, Dayo reached out for her and she held him, she kept asking him where his inhaler was and she tried to search for it, but he just held her tight, He was crying, he told her not to leave, His team mates carried him into a car rushing him to the hospital, He kept telling Simi to hold him, He was struggling to breathe, she held him and told him to calm down that he would be fine,He never made it to the hospital, Dayo died in Simi's arms . She never knew Dayo was asthmatic, He never told her, he was always healthy to her and always full of energy, When they got to the hospital , It was confirmed him dead, she couldn't  cry, it felt like a hammer slammed her chest, It was like part of her died too.
Usually her mum would have killed her for having a boyfriend at eighteen, but the pain her mum saw in her eyes shocked her, for days Simi locked herself in her room playing all Dayo's favourite songs over and over again, sometimes she would cry loudly and break and throw things around other times she would just cry softly and call Dayo's name, she refused to eat or drink anything,her family had to break down the door to her room and monitor her, they didn't want her to kill herself  they just watched her lie on the floor by her bed holding the shirt Dayo died in,crying until she had cried herself to sleep.
Dayo was buried a week later, Her parents refused to let her go initially, but she threatened to slash her wrist if they didn't let her go.
 She stood by the grave, silent while they buried Dayo, she didn't say a word, she just stood there holding his shirt, when the coffin was covered she sat by the grave and she cried, she cried her life out, her family had to drag her home.
Simi suffered depression for months, She wouldn't  speak to anyone, she would just hold his shirt and stare at the wall, She stopped crying but still spoke to noone, She was admitted into a mental ward, she only screamed when they tried to remove Dayo's shirt from her hand.
Seven Months passed and she finally started to talk and by the next year, she had regained herself fully.

She decided to go back to school, she took JAMB and PUTME, she applied for Physiotherapy and got admitted.

Years later, Simi already a graduate and working in an orthopaedic hospital , she was doing good but hadn't even dated anyone, AS IN NOONE.
Her friends and family tried to hook her up, but it was all futile, she refused every guy interested in her.
Her friends persuaded her to go shopping with them, she reluctantly agreed.
In the shopping mall , not looking where she was going she hit a mannequin and actually knocked it down, trying to place it back, a guy came to help her, she turned to thank him and stopped dead, just staring at him, the guy noticed the stare and wanting to break the awkward moment stretched his hand and said
" Hi my name is Deji"
Simi shook his hand and said
" Sorry for staring, you just look a lot like someone, I know, same height, body size and smile "
"Hmmm your friend better like football and Be a gunners fan, If not he isn't my twin"
 " He told me the same thing too " said Simi smiling